I THINK it’s about time you met Nanny Gwynne. Cometh the hour, cometh the numpty. Here’s a guess – I don’t think you’ll like him that much.
Gwynne is a Labour MP. And now Sir Keir Starmer has made him a minister for public health. And it’s gone to his head quicker than ten Jagerbombs.
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Nanny G is concerned about your drinking. He thinks you drink too much. And he has plans to make you cut down.
One of them is to restrict licensing laws. So that the pubs have to close earlier.
He said: “Actually, there is a big win for the Home Office because a lot of domestic violence they have to deal with is as a direct consequence of alcohol.”
Right, mate. So because Nanny G thinks there are some brownie points to be won for his party, you’ve got to down your last pint by ten o’clock or something.
First things first. It is not the job of the Government to decide that we’re drinking too much. That’s our job, isn’t it?
Just like it’s our job to decide what food we should eat. It is no concern of the state.
Second, has Nanny G noticed the crisis that has hit our pubs in the past 20 years?
They were already reeling when the LAST Labour government banned smoking inside pubs.
And the new Labour government seems determined to do everything it can to make life worse for our locals.
Banning smoking outside pubs is on the cards next.
Already 50 pubs per month close on average in the UK. Since 2000 one whole quarter of our pubs have shut for good.
And so along comes Andrew Gwynne to make things even worse.
Look, we all know that alcohol can be damaging to our health. Just like a whole bunch of other things that count as the little pleasures in life.
And it’s probably true that quite a lot of us have stepped up our drinking since Starmer got elected. Christ help us, we need some means of escape.
But Gwynne’s war on pub drinkers is revealing of a very nasty mindset at the heart of today’s Labour Party.
The local pub is very often the focal point of the community. All the more so since so many churches have closed down.
And a few pints down the pub is part of English working-class culture — and has been for hundreds of years.
And that’s the thing — Labour cannot abide working-class culture.
They despise the appetites and pastimes of the working class, the very people the party was set up to represent.
That’s why great working-class entertainers such as my mate Roy Chubby Brown keep getting banned by Labour councils.
The Labour Party is embarrassed by the working class. By the stuff they like.
It doesn’t want us down the pub having a laugh with our mates. It wants us to be at home, eating a salt-free vegetarian meal with a glass of water while reading the Collected Thought Of Yvette Cooper, or something.
Believe me, with the likes of Nanny G wielding poweryou have five more years of this.
It is time to resist. All down the pub — this round is on me.
Women need prison too
THE Lord High Chancellor, Shabana Mahmood, wants to see fewer women in prisons. The Labour politician said being locked up hadn’t served women very well.
Righto, Shabana.
If you want to see fewer women behind bars, then try to persuade them to stop breaking the law. Unless you really want a two-tier prison system.
Where men automatically get banged up. But women are spared jail because they are made of sugar and spice and all things nice.
FAYED’S LIB FANS
JUST how surprised were you to hear that Harrods boss Mohamed Fayed was a menace to just about every woman who came into contact with him?
A serial rapist, by the sounds of things.
I have to say, it didn’t shock me terribly much.
He was always a ghastly old crook.
But bizarrely, the liberals loved him. Because he was “anti-establishment”.
And a foreigner.
So they wouldn’t hear anything bad about the bloke.
Spain’s primate law will swing the balance
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BEST news of the week comes from Spain.
The government there has decided that apes, gorillas, orangutans and chimps should have what are effectively human rights.
They must not be experimented upon. Nor should they be exploited in a way that undermines their dignity.
This is a great step forward in our relationship with the other species that share our planet.
I hope it is adopted across Europe.
And the benefits extended to a few other creatures too.
TRANS ROW SO AWFUL
A BUNCH of nurses at Darlington Memorial Hospital are being forced to get changed for work in a tiny locker room.
This is because they objected to getting changed in the same place as a “transgender” colleague.
The women made it quite clear they were not happy stripping off in front of, you know, a bloke. And now they have taken legal action against the local health authority.
So it has decided to bully and humiliate them.
I’ve spent some of the longest and bleakest hours of my life in that bloody hospital.
Awful place. Sort your hospital out.
And stop being spiteful just because your employees don’t agree with your stupid, progressive agenda.
AND just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse – Phillip Schofield is going to be back on our screens.
He’s filming some castaway-on-an-island bs.
Which will be full of the usual self-pitying, self- justifying griping and soul-bearing. Gawd, spare us.
Here’s a suggestion for the TV companies.
When you’re doing one of these shows where you shove celebs in the wild and make them eat ant semen or something . . . don’t take any cameras along.
Leech laughs
WHO will be better off under this Labour government? Plenty of people – including Marie Buchan, from Birmingham, for one.
She and her family of eight have lived on benefits for pretty much their entire lives.
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She’s had YOU pay for cosmetic surgery and her own horse!
As she says: “I believe we are better off on benefits, because we get help in every area of our lives, whether that’s the rent, bringing up the kids, or bills.
“You can access food banks or fuel vouchers. There’s a lot of help out there.”
What a shamelessscrounging, parasite. But do you suppose Labour will pull the plug on her endless supply of taxpayers’ money?
Not a chance.
ONE of the entrants for the Turner Prize this year is a Ford Escort with a paper doily on its roof.
Brilliant, don’tcha think? Really tells you something about how we live our lives.
Actually, it really does tell you one thing. It tells you all you need to know about the art establishment. And their gullibility and stupidity.
Nobody takes the Turner Prize seriously. It has become a byword for pretentiousness and an abject lack of talent.
IT’S RED WALL’S
SAUSAGES? Sir Keir Starmer wants the return of the sausages? Don’t we all, mate. The more sausages the better.
Perhaps Labour will now promise us all sausages, on a regular basis.
Three per day, four for pensioners.
But other than his hideous sausages gaffe at the party conference, did Starmer say anything of substance or interest?
It was the type of thing you’d get from a cr*p Belgian cafe in a power cut – lukewarm waffle.
Never have I gone off a politician so quickly. My own fault for making the wrong judgment when he was in opposition.
But then, I suppose a lot of voters are thinking the same thing right now.